COURAGE, BRAVEHEART

When I say that God truly works all things for our good and for His glory, I actually believe that.

Do you?

Now, I haven’t always been so sure of this. I took me a minute to get there. But I am sure of it today. Right now. In this moment, in this season that I find myself in, I am. And I hope I never lose that assurance.

I want to tell you a story about an unlikely friendship that just bloomed this past year.

It’s new, and yet there is a history there. This unlikely friendship is significant because it’s one I never would’ve expected to come about. And yet (I love that phrase by the way!), I am soo thankful that it has and that everything happened just as it did. Just when it did.

A few months ago, as I was still going through the process of getting a divorce, I got onto my Instagram and I had a DM from someone. So, I clicked on it and this is what it said:

“Hi Stefanie. I know this is random that I am reaching out to you, but I really respect you as a Christian woman, and I saw recently your post about you going through a divorce, and I was wondering if you would be open to talking to me. I’m actually having a really hard time in my own marriage and feel like I want to talk to you about how, as a Christian, you decided to move forward with a divorce. If you don’t mind talking to me, I’d appreciate it. If not, that’s okay too. Thank you.”

Now who is this mystery person, you ask? Why is this significant? Lemme break it down for you.

Ready? Get this. This woman was my now ex-husband’s ex-girlfriend.

Mic drop.

Yep. That’s right. The last one he dated before settling down and marrying me. She called him (or so he told me) about 8 months into us dating and asked him if he was happy with me. She said that she still cared about him and thought maybe she’d made a mistake, having broken up with him. Which of course, made steam blow out of my ears, like some crazy infuriated cartoon character.

Uh huh. Yep. This is the girl who reached out to me.

She was the girl I was jealous of, felt threatened by, didn’t understand from the outside, but instead of getting to know her and her story, I just judged her from a distance. I wrote her off, probably called her unloving names, and felt jealousy towards her in my heart. She was a threat and I would protect our relationship at all costs. Including tearing her reputation down, if need be. Yikes, Stef. Boy did I need to check my insecure self back then.

But back to the present.

So she reached out to me. This is crazy right!?! The last person I would ever expect to reach out, and yet the entire time I am reading her message, the Lord is gently tapping my shoulder, saying, “Look what I’m doing here, Stef. You see it. This requires openness. This requires humility. This requires empathy. Let your pride go. Come off your high horse. I am softening your heart. Love this girl. Pour love over her and watch what I’m going to do in this. Through this. For you. For her. For my honor. For my glory.”

Whew!! Freaking amazing. That’s what God is.

And, to be honest, the moment she reached out to me, I just laughed, because I knew. I knew the Lord was up to something. That He was working on something in my own heart that needed reconciling and that this was going to be a significant moment for both of us, not just her. This was going to be an area where we could encourage and rely on one another. A season where He would show me just how alike we actually are, when in my mind, there weren’t two people more different.

How wrong I was.

And how thankful I am for the Lord’s kindness in connecting me with this girl. And so, without hesitancy, I immediately reached out to her and made a phone date.

I realize now, that this is a part of my story, and probably will be from here on out. I feel that the Lord has me walking with other women who are having a difficult time in their own marriages; who are maybe contemplating divorce; who want to throw in the towel or tap out and say, “I can’t keep doing this!” So I listen. I pray. I try to impart whatever wisdom I can to them during such a delicate time, and hope that the words the Lord wants to speak through me, would somehow guide and help them on their own journey.

This friend and her husband just signed divorce papers 2 days ago, and my heart couldn’t be more broken for them. For her. I never want anyone to get a divorce and I believe that God can work miracles in any marriage, as long as both parties are willing and able, and that there is recognition of the problem and that they see that change is actually possible, through the work of the Holy Spirit. For them, this sadly wasn’t the case (because her husband was checked out, has a girlfriend, and doesn’t really want to change) and so with an empathic heart, we are setting up a wine date.

Our wine dates happen over the phone because she lives in Texas and I in Arizona, for the time being. So they consist of us setting a time, her putting her son to bed, we both grab a glass of wine and then we Facetime for about 2 hours. We encourage and love on one another, and process through all the mess and heartbreak together.

And for women like this. For moments like this. For growth and maturity like this. For unlikely friendships like this, I am truly truly grateful.

Romans 8:28 (NLT) says,

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”

Thankful for these words of truth that gently remind me of God’s love and goodness towards His people.