COURAGE, BRAVEHEART

I was in a yoga class one day, lying flat on my mat with my eyes closed and sweat running down my face and body, when my yoga instructor said something profound. With controlled breathing, I listened to her words,

“If you’re living in the future, you’re anxious. If you’re living in the past, you’re depressed. And if you’re living in the present, you’re at peace.”

Now go back and read that again. More slowly this time. And undistracted.

“If you’re living in the future, you’re anxious. If you’re living in the past, you’re depressed. And if you’re living in the present, you’re at peace.”

Wow. How true is that!? I find that so few of us are really at peace in life, and to be honest, the thought of that makes me really sad. I want to understand why? Get down to the root of it, dig it out and put it under a microscope and examine it. I want to figure out what we can do to go about changing that mentality. This is obviously a topic I’ve been pondering and discussing a lot lately, so if you want my further insight or reading, please head over and check out my other post called Peace & Contentment.

So let’s just dive right in. Why is it so difficult for us to live in the present? For most people, it’s seemingly so much easier to either live in the future or the past, paying no attention to the present moments that are quickly passing us by. But the present is the only sure thing is right in front of us. So why do we shy away from it? Why do we disregard what’s right in front of us for something that’s behind us or something that may or may not be ahead of us?

One of my favorite writers and poets, Morgan Harper Nichols touched on what it means to be present. She said,

“More than she was worried about the future, she was focused on living in the present. She was focused on making the most of every seemingly ordinary day by eagerly seeking out the light in everything.”

Eagerly seeking out the light in everything. Isn’t that just beautiful!?! This is who I am on my best days and who I want to be even on my worst days. I want to eagerly seek out the light in everything; be focused on making the most of every seemingly ordinary day. Gosh, do I love that. But why do we allow ourselves to be lured back into the past or distracted by the future?

Let’s start by taking a look at the past. I think often times we tend to live in the past because there are things we wish we could change. Things we wish we could take back from our previous experiences. We are constantly assessing, processing, affirming or denying in hopes of validating ourselves. We are obsessed with learning from the past or shutting it out altogether, in an attempt to be sure we don’t make the same mistakes again. Mistakes we wish we could undo. Relationships we wish we could redo. Different choices with different outcomes. Knowing what we know now, having this glorious hindsight, it’s only natural to look back and wonder “If only I had ______________.” Fill in the blank.

But is that really helpful? Does that really change anything? No. Of course not. Because the past is the past and you cannot change it. It will only bring about frustration and anxiety. Which leads me to my next interesting point.

Did you know that the number of people riddled with anxiety and depression has skyrocketed and is at an all time high at this very moment? And worse, it’s continuing to rise. It’s crazy how many of us are on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, just racked and consumed with daily concerns about what we’re doing (or not doing) with our lives. Why is it so difficult for us to move forward? We have more at our fingertips than ever before and yet we are less satisfied.

Maybe that’s part of the problem. We have too many things. Too many choices. Too many options. Too many jobs. Too many apps. Too many partners to choose from. And social media isn’t helping one bit. How many of us are glued to social media for hours on end, filling our brains with false moments of connection, only to be left feeling more anxious, more alone, and more sad. Yikes…somebody get me something quick! It’s depressing just reading about this.

But really, why? Why has it gotten so bad and where does this kind of depression and anxiety stem from? Is there more pressure? Is it really that we have too many options and it’s entirely overwhelming?

A lot of people say social media is the ultimate culprit. And in a lot of ways, I think they’re right. Now we can’t completely disregard social media as only being from the devil, as it has done some good things for us. Now don’t get too upset. I said some good. At least I know it has for me.

For example: it affords us the ability to stay connected with friends and family that live elsewhere; ones you don’t get to see or talk to on the norm. You are also able to connect with complete strangers on the other side of the world that share similar interests. And being able to reach out to others in your same line of work and possibly get work through those connections is definitely a benefit. The only problem with that is that again, it is creating a false sense of being in the present with someone when in all actuality you are still virtually alone. Another definite win? You can get inspiration for just about anything you want. You need design ideas? Check! House ideas? Done! Recipes? Yep! Words of encouragement? You got it! Fashion tips? Come on, duh! You name it. The possibilities are truly endless. That’s all the good stuff.

Now onto the not so good stuff.

The biggest thing I have found to be true about social media is that it is a dissatisfaction meter. Amiright!?! It’s okay, you can be honest. No one’s around. You check someone’s page out and immediately begin to compare your life to theirs. Your experiences to theirs. Your identity to theirs. “They’re taking these amazing trips that I can’t afford. That’s not fair. Look at how many followers they have? How do I get that? That person is so pretty and skinny, I’ll never look like that. Look at their life and their marriage – it’s so perfect. I wish mine was like that. How come they can have a baby and I can’t? How come they can afford a house and I can’t? How do they always seem so put together? Their kids are in the perfect clothes, out doing the perfect thing as a family, and here I am, virtually a single parent, struggling to keep my head above water and my children clothed.”

You never realized how unhappy you were until you compared your life to someone else’s. Does this make you cringe a little? Don’t worry. Me too. I can be guilty of this too.

But what else I am…is aware. I’m aware that I do this. That I don’t want to do this. That when I start to do this, it’s time to put it down or shut it off or cut it out. Whatever I have to do to shift my thinking back to a normal frame of mind and start living in the real world again, where I start appreciating what I do have, instead of comparing what I don’t have to these strangers that ultimately don’t matter.

You may have heard this called, “staying in your own lane” or “worrying about yourself.” My mom calls this, “keeping your eyes on your own ladder.” What does she mean by that? Lemme tell you.

We all have ladders in life. We’re all on separate journey’s moving right along, climbing up our ladders one step at a time, and each of our ladders are taking us to a different destination. But you have to stay focused on your ladder, or you may slip and fall off. Or you may lose your grip or you way. You see, the problem comes when you are looking at the other people on their ladders around you, comparing yourself to whether or not you are moving fast enough up the ladder, or if you’re progressing the same way someone else is, or whether or not someone else seems to have a better ladder than you do. A stronger one; maybe with less broken pieces. Maybe their ladder seems to be heading in a far better direction than your ladder is taking you and you’d rather jump ship and get aboard theirs, heading to the more appealing-seeming destination.

But when you’re so busy looking at the other people on their ladders, that’s when you’re actually missing what’s going on with your own ladder. All the glorious things that are happening right before your eyes, you’re not able to see because you’re blinded by envy and greed and wishing you had what someone else has. And if you’re not careful, you may slip and fall off your ladder altogether. And then where will you be? That’s right. At the very bottom. And you’ll have to start all over again. Hopefully this time wiser, this time smarter, this time with your eyes rightly fixed on your own ladder.

Now I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying that, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And oh man oh man, is that true. You see, when we do that thing, when we are comparing, we are missing out on all the beautiful, incredible, joy-filled moments in our own life, because our heads are up in the clouds about some fantasy or dream we have about what our life “should” look like, instead of accepting it for what it actually is. When we’re not present with all the good that is before us, that’s when we start feeling discontent and dissatisfied. Which leads me to my next point. Living in the future.

Why do we spend so much of our time, energy, and thought life living in the future? Is it because we are dreamers?  Planners? Strategists? We have goals and there are steps needed to meet those goals and so we have to chart everything out? And don’t even get me started on what I’m supposed to do if the charting doesn’t lead to meeting those goals. Freak out!!

But for real. I think the reason we live in the future is because sometimes we don’t want to face the present. The past is chock full of regret and unmet wishes and dreams. And the present is telling us we aren’t quite there yet. We’re not where we want to be and there are all of these steps we need to take in order to get there. And that can feel exhausting. Maybe overwhelming. Sometimes impossible. So it’s easier to dream about it, than to do something about it.

But I believe we are supposed to be doing something about it. And that something is not numbing or living in the past or daydreaming about the future. That something is being present right where you’re at. And the moment to do that is now.

Now don’t mis-hear me, I think that the Lord gives us each of these stages as a guide book to the things He’s wanting to teach us. And each of these stages are important in their own respect.

• He gives us the past, so we can be informed and aware, recognizing patterns and areas of growth and shows who we’ve been in the past and how He wants to grow us in the future.
• He gives us the present, I believe, to enjoy life to its fullest because if you are fully in it, soaking all the marrow out of life (thanks Dead Poets Society!), then we can actively be putting the things we’ve recognized into practice and see how it goes the next time around. We can also LET GO in this stage, because all we have to do is be with the Lord, walking with Him day in and day out. He promises to provide for us and His word says, “He works all things for our good.” So what are we all freaking out about?
• And I believe He gives us the future so we can continue striving to be all He’s called us to be. So that we can know our being aware and growing never ceases and so we can see how far we’ve come. The future also gives us goals to meet, dreams to strive towards and it gives us hope. Great hope for the good things He has in store for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

So, instead of pumping ourselves with medication and anti-depressants, with the next quick fix, another drink, another bad relationship, some good ole CBD oil, or whatever your “drug” of choice is. Instead of that, I think what we need is to get back to the basics. We need to do what Morgan Harper Nichols suggested, which is to eagerly seek out the light in everything. And the light in everything comes from the source of all light and that light is the Lord.

We need to spend less time worrying and anxiety-ridden and more time reading God’s word, because it’s the ultimate bringer of comfort and peace. We need to spend less time isolated and alone with our phones and more time surrounded with people who love us, uplift us and encourage us. We need to spend less time hoping and wishing, and more time praying and believing that the God of the universe is who He says He is and He will do all He said He’d do.  And we need to stop trying to be in charge. Stop trying to fix and control and make things happen the way we think they should because we think we know best. Because friends, I’m gonna tell you right now – we don’t. You don’t. I don’t. None of us do. Only He does and only He can be trusted to guide us gently up each of our own ladders to the glorious outlook of our lives. Because what He has in store up at that outlook is something glorious to behold.

So keep your eyes on your own ladder. Entrust your future into His trustworthy hands. Seek out the light in everyone and everything. Stop worrying about the past and stop trying to control the future. He’s already got it taken care of, so just take a deep breath, look up at your ladder, start climbing, choose to be present in your climb, and just enjoy the journey to the top. He’s up there waiting to show you all He has in store.