COURAGE, BRAVEHEART

Finding the courage to step into the broken places to experience deep healing & complete restoration

Never Going Back.

The idea of ever going back made me panic. My chest tightened. My breathing started to quicken. My palms started to sweat and I felt anxiety start to rise up in me. Going back to that marriage. That relationship. To the way things used to be. The whole idea of it felt nauseating. Felt crushing. I couldn’t do it. Didn’t want to do it. I wouldn’t do it. Ever.

But not my will, but yours be done, Lord.

I started praying,

“Lord, this is not something I ever want to go back to. I feel such freedom. Such relief. Such peace. Going back would feel like being sent back to a prison, Lord. So, tell me no, Father. Tell me not again. If there’s any remote possibility that that is something you would have for me down the road, Father, then I would need you to completely transform and change him, Lord. And I mean a Saul to Paul transformation. Not some small thing. But a complete transformation. Unrecognizable. Completely different. And not just him. I’d also need you to change me, Lord. To fix me. To heal me. To grow me. I would need to you somehow turn my heart back towards him. To be open once again. To desire that. Because right now, it’s long gone. I’m long gone. And the concept of going back seems more than daunting. It seems soul crushing. Like my own personal hell. Like I might not come back from it.”

Let me preface by saying, I don’t think that the Lord is calling me back to that. I really don’t. I think He has bigger and better things in store for me. But again, I want to be open to the possibility that if the Lord is doing something bigger than all this. Something I can’t even begin to fathom or see, that I would walk wherever He would lead me, trusting He sees me. He hears me. He knows my heart and my every need. That He knows what’s best for me. And that He wants to give me just that. Only that. The best. Because that’s who He is and that’s what He gives.

This journey really is all about surrendering complete trust to the one who is completely trustworthy.

And He is friends. He SO is.

Like Sherlock Holmes, look for the clues He’s dropped. Look where He’s been trustworthy in the past. Look at the lives of the people around you to see where He’s shown up and done what He said He’d do. Read his word tirelessly. Search for the truth. The areas where He shows He’s trustworthy and good. And when you find Him to be just as He says He is (and you will!) you’ll want to follow Him to the ends of the earth, no questions asked.

Okay, maybe some questions asked, but He’s okay with that. He delights in conversation. He delights in your questions. And even more, He delights in your trust. In your belief. In your obedience even when you don’t know where that obedience is leading. For HE IS GOOD. HE IS TRUSTWORTHY. HE LOVES YOU. TRUST HIM.

This is what He’s been speaking to me for years, so much so, I am planning on getting it tattooed on my forearm.

I AM GOOD. I AM TRUSTWORTHY. I LOVE YOU. TRUST ME

So follow Him to the ends of the earth, dear ones. Even if the ends of the earth seem like the end of your world. Because we aren’t meant for this world. We are meant for more. And He wouldn’t lead you on a journey to the end of the earth if He didn’t have glorious things in store! And He does, sweet one. For you and for me.

That’s why He doesn’t call us to move backwards, but forwards. And that’s why I’m never going back. Never going back to placing other things before Him. Never going back to allowing another voice to be louder in my life than His. Never going back to having scales over my eyes from seeing the truth. Never going back to lies and deceit. Never going back to less-than. Never going back to living like I have in the past. In order to move forward, you have to leave the past where it belongs. In the past.

So stop looking back. Turn your face forward. Hold your head heavenward and keep moving forward with your eyes fixed on the giver of life and all the glorious future that awaits you.

You’ve got this. Courage, Bravehearts!!

Stefanie Butler's avatar

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Stefanie Butler

Stefanie Butler is a storyteller in every sense of the word. She is a film and television actor, a stage actor, a proud member of SAG-AFTRA & AEA, a screenwriter, a children’s book author, a director, and is brand new to the blogging world. Stefanie loves collaborating and cares about telling stories that deeply matter, with people that matter deeply. Born in Atlanta, Georgia and raised all over the country, Stefanie graduated from Pepperdine University in 2006, with a BA in Theater and immediately began her film and television career. In addition to her acting credits, Stefanie has been writing, directing and creating her own content the past few years. She has written a number of short films, three features, two pilots, is working on a play, and is publishing a children’s book, “The Adventures of Tabby Abby”, due out later this year. Stefanie felt it pressed upon her heart to start sharing some of her story through this blog, including her more personal thoughts, and what it’s like to walk with the Lord as the head of her life. Doing that requires great bravery and courage. It’s hard and it’s messy and it requires a warrior spirit. So, Stefanie created this blog both for herself and for all the other warriors out there doing their very best to BE their very best. Her war cry: COURAGE, BRAVEHEARTS! _________________________________________________ MORE FUN FACTS ABOUT ME I was born in the South and was raised by a Southern mom, so I’m always overdressed. I’ve been to over 1,400 baseball games in my life. I am a thrill seeker who’s been skydiving, cliff jumping, scuba diving, and spearfishing. My all time favorite movies are any period piece, with an accent. I have a collection of children’s books that I am in the process of publishing. I consider myself a gypsy – my parents moved us at least 40 times when I was a kid. There’s nothing better than a good hat and I’d wear one every single day. I am a tea fanatic – hit me with your best pot! I bake at random hours. I have insane respect for those who stand up for others. My family is my heart. I had a Japanese Tea Sensei for 5 yrs and can formally serve Chado, while wearing kimono. I love to play beach volleyball and do Krav Maga. I’m fiercely competitive, thanks to my dad. I have an obsession with decorative pillows. NorCal coast is one of my favorite places in the world. I’m a crack shot with a shotgun and was given a handgun as a wedding gift. My first trophy I ever won was for doing gymnastics on a moving horse. I am of English, Irish, Italian & Icelandic decent. I once traveled to 7 states, in 9 days, with 5 guys, 12 suitcases, and 1 violin. I’m naturally blonde – and yes, blondes really do have more fun.

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