COURAGE, BRAVEHEART

So a little over a year and a half ago I was off an adventure…

Have you ever heard of WWOOFING? Don’t worry, at the time I hadn’t either. But years ago, when I first heard about WWOOFING (worldwide opportunities in organic farming) I thought, “Oh, man would I love to do that one day.” And I plotted and planned in my heart that one day, by George, I would.

Fast forward three years later, I was divorced with no strings attached and nothing holding me back from going on this WWOOFING adventure. So about a year and a half ago, I registered with the WWOOFING Ireland website, created a profile and began reaching out to hosts. Pretty quickly, I solidified staying at a few farms. So, I found a decent option on Scandinavian Airlines (never again!), bought a one-way ticket to Ireland, and was going to give my job two weeks notice and be on my way to “The Kingdom of Heaven” (as Ireland is called) for the next three months.

Immediately after booking my ticket, I cried.

I think from everything, really. From saying I wanted to do it for so long, and finally pulling the trigger. From the fear and trepidation of what I had just decided to do. From the unknown. From the things I would miss and be leaving behind. From the divorce. From the idea of being alone in a place I didn’t know without a familiar soul in sight. Would I like it? Would I hate it? It was as if every single thing that could possibly stop me from going or make me question my choice, flooded my mind at that exact moment. And yet, after I calmed a bit and realized it was actually happening, I felt peace and excitement. I just had to push through that initial phase of complete anxiousness.

And don’t we all have to do that sometimes? Push through the fear and trepidation. The questioning and second-guessing in order to convince and remind ourselves of what we actually believe when we’re not flooded? Of what we actually want? This happened to me day one of my trip and taking time to reflect back on it has given me better perspective to speak on it with a clear mind. So here’s what happened:

I was full of excitement, full of possibility and joy. Totally calm and at peace about my trip, about the Lord and I setting off on this adventure together and excited to see everything He had in store. And I think Satan decided,

“She seems a little too content. A little too calm and happy right now. A little too trusting and full of faith and hope. So I’m gonna do what I do best. I’m gonna get in there and beat her down and exhaust her, and mess everything up and make her question everything that has led up to this point. All her provision, all her joy and affirmation. All the Lord’s leading and promises. EVERYTHING. This is gonna be good, so come one come all – buy a ticket to THIS show, cause sh*t’s about to go down and you’re not going to want to miss it!“

So my flight from Nashville to Dublin had a couple of layovers in-between, which was fine by me. It would allow me time to be off the plane for a moment, to stretch my legs and it was cheaper than the other tickets I had looked at. Bad idea. Terrible idea. I will never NOT do a direct flight again, unless it is the dead last option and there isn’t even a boat or a ferry within driving distance that could take me instead. I’m being a little dramatic, but I mean it, I NEVER want to do this again.

Long story long, I was flying into Newark, then onto Oslo Norway, then into Dublin. There were tornados and awful storms in Newark, so they weren’t letting anyone land, so our flight was redirected to Washington, Dulles. We landed and had a layover in Dulles that kept getting pushed. Five hours later, we were back on the same plane headed back to Newark. They had thankfully pushed my connecting flight as well, so fingers crossed I would still make it into Oslo that evening, just later than expected.

By the time we got into Newark, I had about thirty-five minutes before my flight to Oslo was going to take off. That flight was in a completely different terminal and there was NO WAY I was going to make it before they shut the doors, even if I ran. I was told to step in the hundred-person deep line to wait to be helped in rebooking my flight. “What!?! It’ll definitely be too late! Ugh.” I didn’t see many options, so I got into line and began scrolling through my phone looking for alternative flight options. “Maybe I could fly straight into Dublin from here…”

I found a couple of options that looked semi-promising and looked at the line ahead of me that was not budging. That’s when I saw a woman standing behind a desk at United Airlines. I took the chance and stepped out of line and bee-lined straight for her. “Hi, I’m sorry I have a flight that is supposed to take off in half an hour or less or honestly may have already, I’m not sure, but there was a five-hour delay, and I am supposed to have a connecting flight to Oslo, and eventually make it into Dublin by tomorrow morning…” I told her my sob story while she patiently listened. Then, “I’m not sure I can help you, but…” “Are there any flights heading to Ireland tonight? Any at all that I might have space that I would be able to get on?” She began looking and scrolling and moving at an incredible speed, sensing the urgency herself. She found me one and booked me on it, called a little cart to pick me up and drive me to the gate and waved goodbye, wishing me good luck. “I’m going to make it!” I thought. “And I won’t have to go to Oslo, just straight into Ireland. Never mind I am flying into Galway instead of Dublin – I can get a train ride back to Dublin, pick up my bag and then be on my merry way! Easy!”

I finally get to the gate and they tell me they can’t let me on the flight. “What!?!” Not only can do I “not have an official ticket” but they can’t get a hold of Scandinavian Airlines to release my ticket over to them. See, the first leg of my flight was a United flight, the second and third were controlled by Scandinavian. So even though the nice lady who helped me deal with the mishap from the first leg of my trip, they could not adjust the rest without permission from the airline that I was supposed to be flying on next. And the nail in the coffin? Scandinavian was closed until 9am the following morning and no one was answering the phone. I’m sure I looked like one of those cartoon characters where the steam was fuming out of my ears. I was livid and I watched them shut and close the partially empty flight that was headed for Galway. And then my anger shifted to defeat, and I just started crying. It was 1:00am in the morning and I had had the longest day known to man. They offered to put me up in a hotel and told me to call Scandinavian airlines to sort it out in the morning, but the next available flight to Dublin wasn’t until 6pm the following night. Defeated, I took my voucher and headed toward the shuttles that would take me to my hotel. The next part of this story is unbelievable to me. It was then. It still is now when I think about it.

So, I get on a shuttle that is taking me to this random hotel to stay for the night before trying to sort out my flight the next day. I wedge my way into the back of the shuttle next to a man and his wife as they shove as many people as they can into that tiny vehicle. We strike up a conversation about where they were headed and where I was headed, and where we were all from. And he says, “I’m from Northern California.” “Oh, I love it there. Which part?” “You know Northern California?” “I do. My ex-husband grew up there.” “Oh, I’m from the Moraga/Walnut Creek area.”

That’s weird.

“Oh weird. That’s where my ex-husband is from. He went to Miramonte High.” “Really? That’s so interesting. I’m working with a guy right now who went to Miramonte High. Graduated in 2002.”

Okay, also weird.

“That’s when my ex graduated. I wonder if they knew each other. What’s his name?” And before I knew it, he said, “Steve Smith.”

WHAT. THE. ______. That was my ex-husbands name. 

Sidenote: Now remember, it was 1:00am in the middle of Newark, New Jersey and here I am shoved into this tiny little shuttle on my way to Ireland to “run away” in a sense from my ex-husband and the very man I am sitting next to says his exact name and that he’s working with him, no less.

I CAN’T. I was speechless to say the least and literally felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. In this moment, I felt like this was the straw and my back was seconds away from snapping in two. It was all too much.

Sometimes, as I’ve said in the past, I have felt cursed in life. My family jokes about the “Butler curse” whenever we travel, because something always seems to go wrong. I feel like when I get hit with something tough in life, it’s not just one blow, but two jabs to the ribs and then an uppercut to the chin. I would half-joke about this to those closest to me; I’d say I was cursed, like “Yep, that’s just my luck in life.” This felt like one of those moments. But I had to remember back to this one day when I went to this prophetic ministry and this guy spoke this over me: (Keep in mind, he knew nothing about me or my thoughts on being cursed.)

“I see a daffodil in a glass case, like a protective case, like in Beauty and the Beast. But instead of the rose representing romance, this daffodil represents joy. And you may feel like joy is out of reach in your life, in this season, and you may feel, this is a weird thing to say, but you may feel cursed in a certain way, or you may feel – this is still going with that Beauty and the Beast theme – but you may feel there’s something in your life that has either happened or something that you feel like has been attached to you that makes you immune to joy. Or makes you incapable of experiencing the love of God or the joy of God. And I feel like God’s wanting to encourage you and say that that is absolutely NOT the case. That’s NOT the reality. That that is a facade that has been placed on you. That He wants to encourage you not to agree with it; that you have authority in that, and you get to choose to partner with the hope and the future and the identity that He has placed upon you. And in the same way, when perspective changed in Belle’s eyes and she saw the Beast for who he was, when you see Jesus for who He is, and see yourself for who you are, then the entire world around you changes. And joy won’t feel like it’s something that has to be protected at all costs anymore. You won’t think, “I have to protect what little joy I have”, instead, you will be overwhelmed because you will be surrounded by joy. It will be the world you live in and not the thing you try to protect at all costs. It’ll be your norm. And so, I think He just wants to encourage you, that you’re not cursed. You’re loved. You’re valued and there is great hope in your future.”

Mic drop. Whoa. My eyes were as big as saucers and soaked with tears. I couldn’t believe the words this man was speaking over me. All that to say, I know that I am NOT CURSED but some days I really do have to speak against that. When things start to go wrong for seemingly no reason at all, those feelings and beliefs start to creep back in. Those lies that try to drown me and make me believe that God doesn’t see me and that I am getting the short end of the stick.

You ever feel like this? If you do, I want to tell you I know what that feels like, friend. Truly I do. But I also want to remind you that you too, ARE NOT CURSED and I want to empower you to speak against it. And loudly. Because as followers of Jesus, as children of the Most High God, it is impossible for us to be cursed because God is over everything, he is bigger than any curse, and he protects his people. And besides, believing that kind of thing gives Satan and those lies and that darkness WAY TOO MUCH power. It leaves you with an already dejected mindset and a disposition that says you are lacking, you are less than, you are forgotten, and you can’t ever beat this thing that is pushing you down and holding you back. Satan loves that and he feeds off of it. So, whenever you are starting to feel this urge to believe that the bad things that are happening in your life are something you’ll never overcome or outrun, don’t believe that lie. Stand up. Remember your identity. Speak powerfully in the truth of the God you serve, and that will shrink those tainted beliefs into a minuscule little speck that can be snuffed out.

Long story short, I eventually got a flight to Dublin (albeit two days later) and although my bag was missing for a week before it was delivered to me (not the most convenient), I made it to the green isle. Of the three farms I worked at, two of them were unhealthy “abusive” situations and one was absolutely glorious. But through it all, I learned SO much (including how to stand up for myself and when to leave said unhealthy situations), I made incredible friends, I had meaningful and insightful encounters with strangers, I saw so much beauty, I grew a backbone, and three months later I was on my way home.

Difficult situations will happen in life. You will go through trials and challenges, but at the end of the day, your mindset and your perspective will determine the outcome of your experience. So how will you choose to see yourself? As cursed or consecrated? Might I suggest the latter. Trust me, it’ll save you a world of heartache. Oh and if you are interested in learning more about prophetic ministries, especially during this time, be sure to check out places like Grace Center Nashville and Bethel, who thrive in this spiritual gifting. It’s a powerful tool of the Holy Spirit and it will encourage your heart so much.