COURAGE, BRAVEHEART

Finding the courage to step into the broken places to experience deep healing & complete restoration

Going Home.

Yesterday, my best friend Rachel, my favorite person on the planet and the best person I know, went to be with Jesus. She was only 31. Just three months shy of her 32nd birthday.

Writing those words are unthinkable. I am shattered. She was far too young. She had her whole life ahead of her. We had so many dreams we couldn’t wait to accomplish together, so many un-lived memories and moments and adventures to share. I am beyond heartbroken. I’m devastated. I know her husband and her family are as well.

If you knew Rachel, you loved her deeply and knew how incredibly lucky you were to have her in your life. She was a champion of people and dreams. A natural encourager. A goofball. Compassionate and empathetic. And an incredible listener. Was both meek and yet at the same time firm and steadfast. Her faith and trust in the Lord was like no other I’ve seen. And she was kind. Oh so kind.

Rachel and I only knew each other a little over 5 years – the entire length of her battle with cancer – but we were fast and fierce friends. Soulmates cut from the same cloth. Rachel took a chunk of my heart with her when she left this earth yesterday. I have already asked the Lord if we can have houses next to one another in heaven so we can pop back and forth to each other’s homes, sit on our porches drinking tea and watching the lightening bugs, and write together until the wee hours of the morning watching the sun come up. That sounds like heaven to me.

I love Rachel. Deeply. I already miss her. She was my heart person and I am better for having known her. She constantly taught me things, but never would have said that’s what she was doing – she would’ve said that she was just reminding me of things I likely already knew. She was fearless. I mean, brave as hell. She had vision for what she wanted and nothing could stop her from going after it. Not even cancer.

Whether that was shooting a movie, learning arial sling, becoming an emergency medical responder, or becoming a volunteer firefighter, she was not going to let cancer stop her from living the life she wanted. And she didn’t. She was incredibly hard working but she also knew how to soul rest. Adventurous. The kindest person I’ve ever met. Her eyes and her smile radiated so much light that it beamed from every cell and pore in her body. And her laughter always came from a joy deep within her belly. The joy of the Lord she’d call it. I can hear it now…

I don’t want to imagine a world without Rachel in it…and yet I know that this place – this earth – is not our home. This is merely a short stopping place on our journey towards our real home. Heaven. 

I know Rachel is home. At peace. I know she isn’t suffering anymore. When you have cancer, you suffer, no matter how big or small. It sucks and I’ve been around it a lot in my life. My grandmother. My cousin. My uncle. My dad (three times). My nanny. Other friends. Kids. Cancer doesn’t have an age limit on who it touches. It doesn’t care. And it will make you suffer. But not for Rachel. I know she is with Jesus. Free and bright and fierce and so so content.

And yet the pain of losing her still hurts SO much. I trust the Lord and I entrusted Rachel to Him. I know He loved her far more than I ever could and that means A TON. And He cares for His children. The last few months, I was having to come to terms with the gravity of the situation – one that I couldn’t believe was so quickly unraveling before our eyes. The inevitable that the doctor told us would happen around this very time fives years ago. We wouldn’t believe that. No, we knew God had more for Rachel.

But what if our more isn’t God’s more. What if what we see as care is different from how the Lord views care. What if because we can’t see the future, and He can, His grace is the thing that He gave to Rachel. The grace of peace. The grace of comfort and no more suffering. The grace of home. Heaven. Himself. I’ve been thinking of it this way because this is what the Lord has been comforting my heart with:

Our purpose here is to know the Lord and be in relationship with Him and to allow Him to make us into the likeness of His Son before we walk into his His loving arms in heaven. That’s it. Period.

And what if it’s takes some people longer to do that than others. For some it may take eighty years, or sixty five, and for some, maybe it only takes them thirty one years to look so much like Jesus that God says, “Come on home.” That was Rachel. Hey, it took Jesus 33 years – so they’d be about the same age. That comforts me.

Love you Lini! Leave your porch light on for me…I’ll be there shortly. xo, Gerti

** This post was written on April 11th, 2022.

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Stefanie Butler

Stefanie Butler is a storyteller in every sense of the word. She is a film and television actor, a stage actor, a proud member of SAG-AFTRA & AEA, a screenwriter, a children’s book author, a director, and is brand new to the blogging world. Stefanie loves collaborating and cares about telling stories that deeply matter, with people that matter deeply. Born in Atlanta, Georgia and raised all over the country, Stefanie graduated from Pepperdine University in 2006, with a BA in Theater and immediately began her film and television career. In addition to her acting credits, Stefanie has been writing, directing and creating her own content the past few years. She has written a number of short films, three features, two pilots, is working on a play, and is publishing a children’s book, “The Adventures of Tabby Abby”, due out later this year. Stefanie felt it pressed upon her heart to start sharing some of her story through this blog, including her more personal thoughts, and what it’s like to walk with the Lord as the head of her life. Doing that requires great bravery and courage. It’s hard and it’s messy and it requires a warrior spirit. So, Stefanie created this blog both for herself and for all the other warriors out there doing their very best to BE their very best. Her war cry: COURAGE, BRAVEHEARTS! _________________________________________________ MORE FUN FACTS ABOUT ME I was born in the South and was raised by a Southern mom, so I’m always overdressed. I’ve been to over 1,400 baseball games in my life. I am a thrill seeker who’s been skydiving, cliff jumping, scuba diving, and spearfishing. My all time favorite movies are any period piece, with an accent. I have a collection of children’s books that I am in the process of publishing. I consider myself a gypsy – my parents moved us at least 40 times when I was a kid. There’s nothing better than a good hat and I’d wear one every single day. I am a tea fanatic – hit me with your best pot! I bake at random hours. I have insane respect for those who stand up for others. My family is my heart. I had a Japanese Tea Sensei for 5 yrs and can formally serve Chado, while wearing kimono. I love to play beach volleyball and do Krav Maga. I’m fiercely competitive, thanks to my dad. I have an obsession with decorative pillows. NorCal coast is one of my favorite places in the world. I’m a crack shot with a shotgun and was given a handgun as a wedding gift. My first trophy I ever won was for doing gymnastics on a moving horse. I am of English, Irish, Italian & Icelandic decent. I once traveled to 7 states, in 9 days, with 5 guys, 12 suitcases, and 1 violin. I’m naturally blonde – and yes, blondes really do have more fun.

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